Thursday, October 12, 2006

i am going crazy.. juz lemme be crazy in this post.. i shall nvr do this ever again.. i am losing my sanity.. and in this post i will.. i cant take it anymore.. i dunno if i shud cry, or i shud get angry..

I've ascertained that, in relation to my last post.. u do not love me anymore.. dat's amazing u know? hw one can be with someone else whom u knew for a mth.. i guess fate does play a big part in everyone's life.. looks like the fate we had will end here, the day u told me straight in the face "I DUN LOVE YOU' anymore.. i guess no matter hw much i still love you, it all doesnt matter again.. cos rite nw, u have juz discard me away from ur heart and ur life.. cos our two yrs doesnt seem to matter anymore, and dat to you, dat two yrs are juz distant memories.. i dun nd u in my life.. u know why i told u to go away? its bcos i cant see u as a fren here.. my feelings will nvr change.. and u know u can nvr treat me juz like a fren.. cos im nt.. so stop pretending to be so nice, dat u hope dat we can still be frens.. do u know if i really agree to that hw sad i'll feel? u do nt.. cos u'll be basking in ur newfound love, and to me, i'll be like a wall.. lemme be the bad guy here and say this, we cant be frens! and we'll nvr be.. i dun think so.. bcos i cant take it.. call me immature.. call me childish.. whatever.. i cannot take it anymore.. ever since we broke up, u've been the good person smelling of roses, while i get all the shits.. i'm being labelled as the bad one, me gg after yy after we broke up, while u were waiting all along.. and as u wait, u too went out with guys, and as u say, was interested in someone else.. yet everyone can only see that i was the one who spoil everything, who left this relationship.. do nt forget hw we first broke-up.. i did nt initiate it.. u were the one who told me to get lost and away.. i was the one who did nt wan to patch back.. when u said u were sorry and u wan to make it up, i wanted to see hw sorry u were.. i guess u felt that 3 mths is enuf.. do u really think so? for all that shit i went thru u waited 3 mths and u felt u've done all that u could?

i've seen it all nw.. juz go away.. u werent sincere in ur sorries.. nvr once u were, cos everytime u said sorry and u said u will change during our two yrs, u will simply get back to ur old ways.. u nvr were wrong.. i'm the one always in the wrong as u always say.. and nw, i am still in the wrong.. still rem hw u told me the first yr of being together u dint really love me? u were juz getting back at me? i'll nvr forget that day u told me dat.. i couldnt believe dat coming from you.. and nw i couldnt believe all these are happening.. im still living in my dream.. so get out of my dream nw.. i want to carry on in this slp.. forever.. cos i cant face reality..

u keep saying u wan to keep me as frens cos our two yrs deserve us to at least remain contact as fren.. dun be so nice.. im afraid of it.. is dat really dat? or u juz wan me to carry on seeing u with him so loving and so happy, while i coop myself up in my own heart still reliving the past over and over again? i dun tink i will take that.. i cant be ur fren.. cos i cant picture u with someone else.. find someone to share ur joy.. thks for being so honest.. i know u dun love me anymore.. but i've been living in self-denial.. telling myself u still do.. but nw i truly know.. i really know.. and i do nt know hw to react.. ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABT U TELLING ME U;LL LOVE ME FOREVER??? ALL THIS SHIT ABT U PROMISING TO BE WITH ME FOREVER???? JUZ TAKE IT AWAY WITH YOU!!! THKS FOR TELLING ME I WAS THE ONE WHO GAVE UP THIS RELATIONSHIP! NO I DID NT!!! U WERE THE ONE WHO DID!!! U NVR WAN ME ARD!!! U TOLD ME TO GET LOST REMEMBER??? U HUNG UP ON ME TWICE IN THAT DAY REMEMBER??? I WAS NVR IN UR HEART!!! SO STOP PRETENDING!!!! I HATE YOU, I HATE MYSELF AND I HATE THIS WORLD!!!! I HATE LOVE!!! COS ITS ALL FULL OF PRETENCE!!! COS LOVE MAKES ME SO VULNERABLE!!! THAT WHEN U SAY I WAS WRONG AND U R RITE, I REALLY BELIEVE DAT!!! THINK OF THIS!!!! STOP SAYING I WAS THE ONE WHO GIVE IT UP!!! AND DAT I ONLY HAVE MYSELF TO BLAME!!!! WAD BULLSHIT THAT DAY!!! OBVIOUSLY U CANNOT REMEMBER DAT U WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED ME TO GET LOST FIRST!!! OBVIOUSLY U FORGOT THE NUMBER OF TIMES U WANTED A BREAKUP IN OUR RELATIONSHIP!!! OBVIOUSLY U FORGOT HW THE FIRST YR U WERE JUZ TAKING REVENGE ON ME!!! I HOPE U'RE HAPPY NW!!! I'VE NVR CRUMBLE LIKE THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! AND NW U R THE REASON FOR IT!! I CANT BELIEVE FOR U, IM FEELING SO VULNERABLE, SO WEAK, SO HELPLESS!!! STOP TORTURING ME WILL YOU???

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 5:36 PM

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