Saturday, October 21, 2006

So many things i wanna write down today.. well, i shall begin by writing abt myself..

wad abt myself? sigh... juz feel dat i seem to have changed alot.. wad happen to the happy-go-lucky me? sometimes i can see all those changes in me, and i feel guilty for it.. i dun understand why i changed this way after the breakup.. i juz dun.. maybe cos i see nth gd left in this world which i used to have u to look forward to? today as i was taking the lift down to my soccer game, i exit and saw my neighbour carrying large bags.. mind you, she's already a senior citizen.. last time i would immediately go over and offer my help, but today, i juz waved to her and walked away to the bus-stop.. but halfway i stopped.. i really did.. i stood dere for like minutes, thinking of wad i had juz done.. and i juz stoned there.. i cant believe dat i've changed in this manner.. dat's so unlike me.. why??? and nw when i see ppl selling tissue, i will walk away and den for the next few min i will be thinking why dint i buy from the person? i really dunno me anymore.. i dun wan myself to change this way.. i wan the old lionel back.. sigh... i resolved to have the old self back.. i will do it.. from nw.. this moment.. and its nt for ur sake.. im doing it for mine.. sigh...

anyway went for the soccer game still.. guess wad.. bad game for me today.. totally sucks.. scored own goal and injured myself.. hurt my balls and eye man.. yes! i got hit in the eye again! and i was so freaked out, especially after that major incident when i went blind, im super sensitive to anything that comes near my eyes.. the doc even told me that my rite eye couldnt risk another impact, or else theres a high possibility of going blind.. so when i was hit, i was literally freaked out.. cos momentarily i could see shadows at the bottom and in the middle of my eyes.. even as i type this, i can still see and feel the swell at my left eye.. luckily its nth much, and thank god, the ball dint hit my rite eye.. which is the precious one..

went jogging juz nw after soccer.. damn shagged.. ate bananas and 100 plus to try and rejuvenate myself but dint really work so well.. haha.. but manage to run quite far.. had wanted to run the same route as that day when i went jogging with yy but apparently my fren was tired, and seriously, i am too.. haaa.. so we stopped at the prata place there and walked back all the way.. took me one half hr man.. damn long.. anyway talked alot during the jog.. seriously my gd pal and i share the same fate sia.. haaa.. we both are lonely man longing for the one we love who's in love and with someone else... so sad.. funny thing is everytime one of us is down, the other will be ok to talk to him.. second resolution, i will cherish all my good pals man! u all are my bros!!! and of cos, nt forgetting u my only female buddy!! haaaa..

played mahjong last nite... lost two bucks.. whew.. at one moment was like losing near to thirty.. haaaa... but im too skilled to lose so much!!! =PPPP miss those days when u'll be snatching my place to play mahjong.. if only u'll come back, i'll let u play as much as u wan and i'll juz be the good bf and sit behind and watch u play and massage ur back, and get u drinks and food.. haaa.. imaginations.. hw i wish... oh well.. anyway, really kinda addicted to it man.. mahjong is so fun.. and its intellectual.. nd so much thinking and re-thinkings.. haaa.. cant wait for the next game.. hand itching.. haaaa....

to all uni pals, relax man!!! know ur exams are coming, but why stress over something so material? hahaaa.. its only a piece of ppr!!! haaa.. maybe next yr i wont say the same thing anymore.. =PPP but sure muz learn to appreciate life, cos u living means u're already the best among all ur bros and sisters, dats why u reach the egg first and poke thru it and voila, you appear! rite!!! so believe in urself!!! u all can make it thru with excellent results!!!! haa!!

Love you still.. missing you more than anything... dreaming of you every night... yearning for u every moment...

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 8:15 PM

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