beach angel

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

So long as i can make you smile, I'll always be by your side...

Single but emotionally attached... Love is a mystery... How can we love someone who doesn't love us? How can we learn to forget when everything around you juz remind urself of her? How?

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 7:52 PM

::::::

Monday, October 30, 2006

Depressed because of missing you too much and over anything else...

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 8:00 PM

::::::

Saturday, October 28, 2006

haaa~! i got my first job le! starting on the 8th, straight after i ord.. haaa.. i requested for that.. dun feel like slacking at home, cos i know i will think alot when i slack at home.. abt alot of stuff... oh well.. haaa.. the person kinda interested to have me.. perhaps they r shorthanded... but when i was considering which dept i shud join, he told me if i join ericsson he will up my pay.. wahaaa!!! nt bad ah... my second interview dint go too bad (first was the tuition one as i mentioned), there were three ppl and they ask me talk abt myself... then i rem wee bro telling me to muz praise myself by saying i was capt and everything, so i did.. felt weird saying those stuff.. haaa!! but still, made it thru... haaa! so nw i am employed and better paid than in the army!!! woohoo!! shant tell u all my salary, in case everyone starts asking me to treat them.. haaa.. got afew ppl in mind and decided to treat le, got my bro-sis pigging-out-buddy vickie, got my forever bro sam, my teacher-mentor bro, wen shih, got the irresistible jianning, my slimming buddy zhangpei, my thru-all-odds bros junsong and jinghow and michael, my forever-there-for-me brother-cum-besties-soccer-kakis xianghui and nathan and weixin and weilin and chongtiang, my fake 'laopo' dawn, and of cos, you, my one and only, and best fren, and everything more for the last 2.5 yrs, wonghui... if u r still willing to go out and meet me.. =) wa! seem like alot of ppl rite? so u all dun qiao me ah... everyone eat chicken rice, 3 dollars can le.. haaa!!! my pay nt alot lor.. its quite pathetic actually.. haaa!!! to all those who stood by me as well and i left out ur name, i apologise beforehand.. haaa! is dere anyone i left out? hmm... hopefully nt... haaaa... really la.. dint mean to leave u out if i did... juz sms me ok? haaa!!! yay!!! im employed!!! wohoo!!! haaaa...

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 9:49 AM

::::::

Friday, October 27, 2006

this is so funny.. i tried the myheritage.com to see wad celebrity face i have, and guess wad!!! i look like eddie murphy!!!! haaa... 70% likeness.. haaa!!! nt bad la.. at least i hope my humour adds up to his.. haaa... i've so many frens who look like celebrities lor... like i got ou xuan fren.. ahaaaa... and i'm beginning to think that yuying looks like the suzzanne jung from channel newsasia... dun ask me why.. they juz look kinda alike.. haaaa.. and ppl also say that i look like hong jinbao!! u know, the fatty with kungfu in the show martial law... haaaa... so funny... wonder which other celebrity look-alike fren i have... cant seem to recall nw.. oh well.. haaaa... got an interview coming up later.. for some customer service officer job... nt very glamourous tho... but its still a job and it'll feed me for the next six mths before sch starts! haaa.. so i shall take it.. oh.. went for the tuition interview too!!! the boss is very nice.. i tot its some informal meeting but in the end i've two ppl sitting opposite me at the table askin me qns.. haaa.. so funny... but well, she seems interested to have me and offered to lemme start with primary-sec 2 classes... i dun mind.. in fact if she had given me more than that i would've been so afraid to fail.. hope i still have the intellect of a sec 2 after 2 yrs of army.. aaaa... army is supposed to make ur intellect lvl go down to pre-sch lor... haaa... speaking abt it~! 8 more days to ORD!!! to all NSF have fun man!! ur day will come soon!!! these 8 days i shall resolve nt to do anything wrong, so i wont be send to DB and den my ORD date will not be extended.. haaaa... oh well.. Life sucks.. haaa... It's gonna be the end of another chapter soon.. wonder hw many more chapters have to be written.. ur chapter has closed with me.. perhaps one day we could write another chapter together.. perhaps nt.. i shall see wd the future has in hold for me.. rite nw, i juz wan to love someone.. i will give all my heart... and to love none others but myself first.. if i dun even love myself hw do i expect ppl to love me rite? gaaaa.. these words are for u too my fake 'laopo'!! rem, cherish urself more than u cherish others.. cos in this world, we're born to be selfish.. if u cant take care of urself, dun even think of taking care of others.. =) Good day!!

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 8:39 AM

::::::

Thursday, October 26, 2006

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didnt know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I`d ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I`ve never felt.
The feeling that I'm feeling now
That I don't hear your voice
Or have you touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Or what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here

Cause baby
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There aint nobody better
Ohh baby, baby
We belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Sing to me
'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface

I only think of you
As breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
Throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby

When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Ohh baby, baby
We belong together

[Bridge]

Ohh , Baby , Baby
We Belong together baby
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please
Cause we belong together
Who am i going to lean on
When times get rough
Who's going to talk to me
Til the sun comes up
Who's going to take your place
There ain't nobody better
Ohh baby, baby
We belong together

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 2:12 PM

::::::

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

thanks bros.. im trying everyday to forget things... i've decided, i'm gg to throw away the stuff.. im nt gonna keep them anymore cos i know i will always be tempted to go take them out and see them.. i really cant bear to throw them away.. but i have no choice.. all the best to you.. i still love you..

and pls dun make me sound so bad.. i know wad im gonna say is gonna sound very strange, but its really hw i feel.. when i say i'll be waiting for u, it doesnt mean im hoping to see u and alvin break up.. i do nt.. and im nt lying here.. i juz wan to wait.. cos i do nt see anyone else who can share the same status as u within me.. but cherish alvin.. if hes the one, den love him with everything, n not juz like him.. i know i've done u wrong, but so have u to me.. lets say we're even.. if fate allows, i still wan a future with you.. perhaps u dun see it nw.. i cant too frankly.. but deep inside, u'll always be the one.. i love you..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 5:56 PM

::::::

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Haha.. for moments i cant seem to remember wad i wan to say.. though i've been thinking abt it for quite some time.. muz be the effect of the alcohol last nite.. yup, went MOS... kena saboh by my beloved pal.. haaa.. sick lor.. supposed to cant go one lehz.. but den huh.. no choice.. hahaaa.. Anyway was Andy's 'Birthday' celebration, but nt his birthday yet.. haaa.. buddy ma.. no choice.. gotta go in the end.. muz shang lian.. haaa!!! anyway, tot i wasnt going to drink, but when i reach there, sigh, i juz reach for the drinks and start drinking.. Sam asked why i drink so much.. dint really know also.. juz dat feeling very down.. and somehow alcohol juz makes me forget them temporarily.. so juz drink.. funnily, after so long of nt drinking, i tot i might get drunk/high after one or two glasses but no, nt even high after the fifth one.. maybe cos inside im so down i cant even get high anymore.. anyway, met one old fren who forgot abt me there.. haaa. she was there cos her fren was invited by andy to go and she somehow know andy too so go also lor.. really fate man.. initially i dint wanna go also lor, but kena saboh, and go.. so get to meet her and resume contact.. haaa.. nt bad la..

anyway, wanna write abt this thought i have in my mind.. thank you wonghui.. realised first time i wrote down ur name.. i really love u alot.. still.. forever.. and loving you makes me open my mind and heart to many things.. these period of time juz makes me feel more for you, no matter hw hard i try to move on, apparently the effect is the opposite.. losing you makes me learn to cherish the things which i have nw.. which i dint use to... one word for all who read this.. really cherish wad u have nw and appreciate them.. but dun juz stop there.. tell those things, or ppl how much they mean to you everyday every moment, and how much u appreciate their presence, cos u wont know when these precious things/people will be gone.. i've lost mine.. and now i grasp the meaning of the phrase 'people only learn to treasure when they lose it'... i treasure u so much that i wan to have another chance with you.. to work things out.. to love you once more.. and to tell u everyday u're the world to me.. i really do feel all these.. empty thoughts.. i can think.. but all these are thoughts.. they nvr materialised.. like my dreams.. i love you... love you... love you...

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 11:10 AM

::::::

Saturday, October 21, 2006

So many things i wanna write down today.. well, i shall begin by writing abt myself..

wad abt myself? sigh... juz feel dat i seem to have changed alot.. wad happen to the happy-go-lucky me? sometimes i can see all those changes in me, and i feel guilty for it.. i dun understand why i changed this way after the breakup.. i juz dun.. maybe cos i see nth gd left in this world which i used to have u to look forward to? today as i was taking the lift down to my soccer game, i exit and saw my neighbour carrying large bags.. mind you, she's already a senior citizen.. last time i would immediately go over and offer my help, but today, i juz waved to her and walked away to the bus-stop.. but halfway i stopped.. i really did.. i stood dere for like minutes, thinking of wad i had juz done.. and i juz stoned there.. i cant believe dat i've changed in this manner.. dat's so unlike me.. why??? and nw when i see ppl selling tissue, i will walk away and den for the next few min i will be thinking why dint i buy from the person? i really dunno me anymore.. i dun wan myself to change this way.. i wan the old lionel back.. sigh... i resolved to have the old self back.. i will do it.. from nw.. this moment.. and its nt for ur sake.. im doing it for mine.. sigh...

anyway went for the soccer game still.. guess wad.. bad game for me today.. totally sucks.. scored own goal and injured myself.. hurt my balls and eye man.. yes! i got hit in the eye again! and i was so freaked out, especially after that major incident when i went blind, im super sensitive to anything that comes near my eyes.. the doc even told me that my rite eye couldnt risk another impact, or else theres a high possibility of going blind.. so when i was hit, i was literally freaked out.. cos momentarily i could see shadows at the bottom and in the middle of my eyes.. even as i type this, i can still see and feel the swell at my left eye.. luckily its nth much, and thank god, the ball dint hit my rite eye.. which is the precious one..

went jogging juz nw after soccer.. damn shagged.. ate bananas and 100 plus to try and rejuvenate myself but dint really work so well.. haha.. but manage to run quite far.. had wanted to run the same route as that day when i went jogging with yy but apparently my fren was tired, and seriously, i am too.. haaa.. so we stopped at the prata place there and walked back all the way.. took me one half hr man.. damn long.. anyway talked alot during the jog.. seriously my gd pal and i share the same fate sia.. haaa.. we both are lonely man longing for the one we love who's in love and with someone else... so sad.. funny thing is everytime one of us is down, the other will be ok to talk to him.. second resolution, i will cherish all my good pals man! u all are my bros!!! and of cos, nt forgetting u my only female buddy!! haaaa..

played mahjong last nite... lost two bucks.. whew.. at one moment was like losing near to thirty.. haaaa... but im too skilled to lose so much!!! =PPPP miss those days when u'll be snatching my place to play mahjong.. if only u'll come back, i'll let u play as much as u wan and i'll juz be the good bf and sit behind and watch u play and massage ur back, and get u drinks and food.. haaa.. imaginations.. hw i wish... oh well.. anyway, really kinda addicted to it man.. mahjong is so fun.. and its intellectual.. nd so much thinking and re-thinkings.. haaa.. cant wait for the next game.. hand itching.. haaaa....

to all uni pals, relax man!!! know ur exams are coming, but why stress over something so material? hahaaa.. its only a piece of ppr!!! haaa.. maybe next yr i wont say the same thing anymore.. =PPP but sure muz learn to appreciate life, cos u living means u're already the best among all ur bros and sisters, dats why u reach the egg first and poke thru it and voila, you appear! rite!!! so believe in urself!!! u all can make it thru with excellent results!!!! haa!!

Love you still.. missing you more than anything... dreaming of you every night... yearning for u every moment...

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 8:15 PM

::::::

Friday, October 20, 2006

Even if we cant be together, i know i want the both of us to be the bestest of best frens.. cos we knew too much of each other to let it all pass us by.. and bcos we still wan to be there to care for each other.. bcos we both mean so much to each other we will and can support the sky when it falls on either of us.. and most imptly, bcos we both wan to...

I know u've been avoiding me.. maybe u've blocked me in ur msn.. i do nt know.. but i seem to be losing contact with u gradually with each passin day.. i do nt wan to forget u.. cos forever u'll play a big part in my life.. be it u'll be there as a best fren, or as a girlfren, i wan u dere dat i know.. cos my life cannot do without you, after it has been living on ur love for two yrs.. it juz cant..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 8:43 AM

::::::

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Your love will remain etched deep in my heart forever...

Next time you fall in love,
it better be with me,
the way it used to be.
Back then, was when,
we touched the starlight.

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 8:32 AM

::::::

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

dat's it.. as the title says.. i shud be moving on.. to love or to be loved? which will u choose? i dun have anyone loving me.. and to me, loving someone is juz so hard.. lost my faith.. lost my belief.. it was put with you under unconditional terms and unlimited period the day i first said i love you.. and now u're gone, i've lost it with you.. dun give it back.. cos i still wan to love you.. but its getting tiring.. its draining me of my energy everyday.. i cant look back.. the past hurts and pleases at the same time.. i cant look forward.. cos i see u loving someone else.. i prefer to stay in the present.. cos the present is like a sanctuary to my heart.. it doesn't hurt.. and i hope time stays this way.. lemme live in the pleasures of my present and ignore the prospects of the future..

graveyard of my heart.. lost my inspiration to write that.. ur love is in it.. my heart is like a jigsaw puzzle, and u have the last missing piece.. guess the puzzle will nvr be completed... who knows wad the wind of time will blow along? but rite nw i'm shielding myself from this hurricane that's assaulting both my mental and emotional state.. i stare in the mirror and sometimes i wonder why i make myself so pathetic.. is it me i'm seeing? i chose this path so i shudnt be regretting it.. takes two hands to clap.. sorry if i ever sounded like im putting the blame on u for the failure of our love to develop further.. both of us were at fault for nt being able to bring our love to a greater, stronger ground where we juz nd to look at each other for the next inspiration, for the next smile, for the next beacon of hope, and for the strength to pull thru every obstacles life has in store for us..

Loving someone means giving unconditional time, dat i didnt give, unconditional commitment, dat i didnt give as well, and unconditional space, which i didnt give as well... but i love you.. and dats all dat used to matter.. Girlfriend? u were more than that.. u were my buddy, my laopo, my bubu, my everything! calling u my girlfriend doesnt even signify hw impt u meant to me.. but nw i cant even bring myself to call u a fren.. wad a joke these few mths of life has played on me.. i feel like a clown.. i am a clown.. i nvr take things seriously, and i admit, i do take u for granted at times.. but nvr for long.. i cherish u and always will.. i love you and always i will.. i pray for you and always i will.. i care for you and always i will.. i'll be there for you, and this u know, i always will..

So if ever u find that things are going wrong, and nth is going ur way, take a break, take two steps back, and u will find me standing side by side with you, and i will hold ur hands, and pull you along, and pull you back on the track with me.. den i will let go, and let u carry on, and i will fall two steps behind again, and watch ur back as u moved on...

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 8:24 AM

::::::

Monday, October 16, 2006

yes im still missing you... cant believe after 5 mths, im still feelin this way.. sigh.. Picture this, we are alking away from each other, then u turn back while i cont walking away.. disappointed, u turn away and walk and then i turned back and look at you, hoping to see u turn back.. familiar? it's really like some movie shows.. but rite nw, it's really happening.. but the diff is, in shows they will eventually get together, but judging from wad has happened, things doesn't seem to be the same...
sigh... i dunno wad to say... im still holding hopes, hopes dat one day we can still get together, and wad a shithead i am for thinking like dis rite? but i really cant juz be ur frens.. im sorrie.. dis is sth i cant do.. its so hard.. i see ppl taking yrs to really forget someone else.. i think i am those.. i love you and am still loving you.. hw do u make someone stop loving another? its like the world's toughest task to do..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 1:37 PM

::::::

Thursday, October 12, 2006

good, dat's the way.. hate me pls.. so dat i know there's really no turning back.. u dun understand hw badly my mind is contradicting my heart rite nw.. and i know its time to move on.. Hate me all u wan.. detest me.. i dun care anymore.. u do nt know hw much u've been stabbing at my heart all these while.. maybe u really do nt know.. all those blaming of me for this failed relationship, and telling me that u've waited three mths before deciding to move on.. and one mth later, u got urself someone new.. maybe if i had asked u to patch back at the third mth u would've told me u waited two mths.. i do nt know.. but it doesnt matter much anyway.. nth matters anymore.. ever since u told me u dun love me.. thks for saying dat! i wish u all the best.. nw juz go away.. please..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 10:51 PM

::::::

i am going crazy.. juz lemme be crazy in this post.. i shall nvr do this ever again.. i am losing my sanity.. and in this post i will.. i cant take it anymore.. i dunno if i shud cry, or i shud get angry..

I've ascertained that, in relation to my last post.. u do not love me anymore.. dat's amazing u know? hw one can be with someone else whom u knew for a mth.. i guess fate does play a big part in everyone's life.. looks like the fate we had will end here, the day u told me straight in the face "I DUN LOVE YOU' anymore.. i guess no matter hw much i still love you, it all doesnt matter again.. cos rite nw, u have juz discard me away from ur heart and ur life.. cos our two yrs doesnt seem to matter anymore, and dat to you, dat two yrs are juz distant memories.. i dun nd u in my life.. u know why i told u to go away? its bcos i cant see u as a fren here.. my feelings will nvr change.. and u know u can nvr treat me juz like a fren.. cos im nt.. so stop pretending to be so nice, dat u hope dat we can still be frens.. do u know if i really agree to that hw sad i'll feel? u do nt.. cos u'll be basking in ur newfound love, and to me, i'll be like a wall.. lemme be the bad guy here and say this, we cant be frens! and we'll nvr be.. i dun think so.. bcos i cant take it.. call me immature.. call me childish.. whatever.. i cannot take it anymore.. ever since we broke up, u've been the good person smelling of roses, while i get all the shits.. i'm being labelled as the bad one, me gg after yy after we broke up, while u were waiting all along.. and as u wait, u too went out with guys, and as u say, was interested in someone else.. yet everyone can only see that i was the one who spoil everything, who left this relationship.. do nt forget hw we first broke-up.. i did nt initiate it.. u were the one who told me to get lost and away.. i was the one who did nt wan to patch back.. when u said u were sorry and u wan to make it up, i wanted to see hw sorry u were.. i guess u felt that 3 mths is enuf.. do u really think so? for all that shit i went thru u waited 3 mths and u felt u've done all that u could?

i've seen it all nw.. juz go away.. u werent sincere in ur sorries.. nvr once u were, cos everytime u said sorry and u said u will change during our two yrs, u will simply get back to ur old ways.. u nvr were wrong.. i'm the one always in the wrong as u always say.. and nw, i am still in the wrong.. still rem hw u told me the first yr of being together u dint really love me? u were juz getting back at me? i'll nvr forget that day u told me dat.. i couldnt believe dat coming from you.. and nw i couldnt believe all these are happening.. im still living in my dream.. so get out of my dream nw.. i want to carry on in this slp.. forever.. cos i cant face reality..

u keep saying u wan to keep me as frens cos our two yrs deserve us to at least remain contact as fren.. dun be so nice.. im afraid of it.. is dat really dat? or u juz wan me to carry on seeing u with him so loving and so happy, while i coop myself up in my own heart still reliving the past over and over again? i dun tink i will take that.. i cant be ur fren.. cos i cant picture u with someone else.. find someone to share ur joy.. thks for being so honest.. i know u dun love me anymore.. but i've been living in self-denial.. telling myself u still do.. but nw i truly know.. i really know.. and i do nt know hw to react.. ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABT U TELLING ME U;LL LOVE ME FOREVER??? ALL THIS SHIT ABT U PROMISING TO BE WITH ME FOREVER???? JUZ TAKE IT AWAY WITH YOU!!! THKS FOR TELLING ME I WAS THE ONE WHO GAVE UP THIS RELATIONSHIP! NO I DID NT!!! U WERE THE ONE WHO DID!!! U NVR WAN ME ARD!!! U TOLD ME TO GET LOST REMEMBER??? U HUNG UP ON ME TWICE IN THAT DAY REMEMBER??? I WAS NVR IN UR HEART!!! SO STOP PRETENDING!!!! I HATE YOU, I HATE MYSELF AND I HATE THIS WORLD!!!! I HATE LOVE!!! COS ITS ALL FULL OF PRETENCE!!! COS LOVE MAKES ME SO VULNERABLE!!! THAT WHEN U SAY I WAS WRONG AND U R RITE, I REALLY BELIEVE DAT!!! THINK OF THIS!!!! STOP SAYING I WAS THE ONE WHO GIVE IT UP!!! AND DAT I ONLY HAVE MYSELF TO BLAME!!!! WAD BULLSHIT THAT DAY!!! OBVIOUSLY U CANNOT REMEMBER DAT U WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED ME TO GET LOST FIRST!!! OBVIOUSLY U FORGOT THE NUMBER OF TIMES U WANTED A BREAKUP IN OUR RELATIONSHIP!!! OBVIOUSLY U FORGOT HW THE FIRST YR U WERE JUZ TAKING REVENGE ON ME!!! I HOPE U'RE HAPPY NW!!! I'VE NVR CRUMBLE LIKE THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! AND NW U R THE REASON FOR IT!! I CANT BELIEVE FOR U, IM FEELING SO VULNERABLE, SO WEAK, SO HELPLESS!!! STOP TORTURING ME WILL YOU???

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 5:36 PM

::::::

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I LOVE YOU!!! CANT U SEE IT???

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 7:56 AM

::::::

Wad de hell am i doing man? sometimes i really think that i think too much.. see dere i go again.. wad de hell am i doing online at this time? i shud be slping and recuperating, nt even feelin well today frankly.. think im coming down with sth.. sigh.. gonna be writing a song, it'll be called graveyard of my heart.. haa.. tot of the title on my way back juz nw.. quite cool.. hope it'll be nice.. been so long since i last had some inspiration.. this time, the inspiration is nt gd, but still it's sth for me to write abt.. i love you.. wish u well.. i know why i cant move on, there's so many unanswered qns within me that i want to ask.. like hw do u define waiting? does seeing someone else when u're 'waiting' still be considered acceptable? and do u love someone else when u know dat u still had someone other ppl in ur heart? where can i find my ans? i do nt know.. cos u're ignoring me.. and u do nt care anymore.. for u've found someone else.. even tho i believe i can give u happiness, but u dun trust me anymore.. u do nt believe in me anymore.. and why shud u? when i myself have lost belief in my ownself.. u take care.. i'll always be ard when u nd me..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 12:48 AM

::::::

Monday, October 09, 2006

If i have only one wish, i wish for you to come back..
if i have two wishes, i wish for you to come back and for me to give all my love..
if i have three wishes, i wish for you to come back and for me to give all my love and to show you how much you mean to me..
if i have as many wishes as i want, i will use all to juz love you..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 6:58 PM

::::::

Sunday, October 08, 2006

You were my safest place to hide... After all these time my heart still burns for you..

Life is always abt battling, but the ultimate battle is always the battle with our other self dat's within.. and once again i find myself battling it.. and this time round, the other self prevails, the self telling me that i shud wait...

In this short life of ours, seriously, ask urself, hw many times can we truly love someone? To many others, it could be juz once or twice, and to the minority, more than a hand can count.. but the latter usually do nt understand the meaning of true love.. cos true love is special, and it can be replaced by none other.. when u truly love someone, nth else matters.. even time.. cos she will be ur time, ur money and ur strength.. her love will be ur hope, ur light, ur sunshine.. True love is the harbour to stop when the storm comes, the safest place to hide when things are against you.. And when i say true love, i mean you, and u know who u r.. cos i nvr will love another one so true..

So when one finally understands true love, dat u can give up anything for her, u will be willing to sacrifice, and dats hw i feel.. no matter wad, waiting is juz a sacrifice of time.. and for you, no time matters.. i am the former, i dun find true love always.. i think.. and when i found you, i dun wanna let u go juz like that.. i might say im moving on, i can kid others, but my heart will always know the truth.. cos my heart dictates hw i feel, and my mind dictates wad i do and say.. and when u love someone, u use ur heart, nt ur mind.. move on if u muz.. but occasionally, think back of me.. im nt struggling, i wont and i will nt let myself struggle in life.. i'm always moving on in life, its juz dat in terms of relationship i dun think i will.. i wont excel too.. no, im nt as perfect as u used to say i was.. and nw u know.. if i am perfect, things wont turn out the way it is nw.. i wont have to miss you, cos u'll be by my side always, everyday, every time..

Im hating the times when i think i spend too much time with you, cos now i realised that the time we spent together was actually so short.. i love you.. u can dun love me anymore.. u can love someone else.. but that wont matter.. cos i love you, and that can only change if u take my heart and replace it with another.. hope the one u love can treat u better than i could.. Cos i know that if ever i do love again, the person will have a very big shoe to fill, and rite nw, this shoes is only meant for you..

You are my only one, my one and only...

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 3:10 PM

::::::

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Life's abt that isn't it? making mistakes and learning from them.. recently i made so many mistakes it's unbelievable.. distancing myself from practically everyone else, except the few gd frens who're always there, like junsong and vickie.. good pals will stay forever.. true love too.. guess btw us there really isnt any true love like we used to think there was.. it's amazing the spd u r at that i cant catch up with u anymore.. i will walk slowly behind, cos i've been hurt.. and seeing u run off in the distance, i wont stop you.. i've finally moved on.. i think.. the hurt is still there.. the love will always be there.. but the material items are no longer there.. i've removed them.. except the picture in my wallet, i cant take them off. it's stuck there.. oh well, let it be some memories to remember abt..

u really gimme alot of happy moments, that im thankful for.. and my frens once advise me, do u really love her, or do u juz love memories of her? that is a qn worth pondering abt.. which till nw i cant tell the difference.. cos i love both u and memories of you.. that's sth that shudnt be doubt.. but rite nw, the diff is that u dun love me anymore.. i did say, the day u dun love me is the day i'll stop loving you.. it's a simple equation i believe, cos ur love was the pillar i built my future on.. the strength that lift me up when i've fallen, and the glimmer of hope in times of failures.. rite nw, i juz gotta find other avenues for that, and my frens really do come in greatly here... Thank you for the past, the present, and maybe my future, where you'll always play a part... One day we might be frens, like u say, we've been thru so much its not fair if we cant even end up as frens to support each other in this journey we called life.. one day i promise you.. one day.. but nt rite nw.. lemme come to terms with certain issues of my life first, and the ending of our relationship.. when i truly moved on, u will know. cos the smile will once again return to my face.. and from that time on, i will be happy.. so u be happy too..

i truly understand the meaning of loving someone is nt to have, but to make sure shes happy.. but i dun practise wad i preach.. im still learning.. learning in life.. from my mistakes.. from my errors in life, i grow.. u outgrew me in that.. u mature and moved on faster than i tot u would.. sad to say, im quite glad for you.. but at the same time, im upset.. oh well..

thanks to ppl who've given me advice and has pulled me along and nt lemme juz fall and stay there to rot.. vickie thanks alot.. tho u urself are facing problems, u provided ur help to me in times when i really nd them.. sad to let u see this state of me.. ur sound advices and ur constant encouragement, tho unintentional as u say, really helps me alot.. and junsong, thks for being my buddy for these two yrs in army.. really hard to find true frens who stick by ur side forever.. i will be one to u too, and one for those who stick with me.. sam, tho u r my officer, u nvr always treat me like ur subordinate.. u r the reason why im still happily working in CAB sia.. if nt i'll be complaining everyday abt hw this shit sucks, that i cant chiong sua and hafta do this work... and for the wise words u always gimme, altho always in broken english.. ahha.. but i can see u really care for me and is a great pal of mine.. kenneth, for always sharing stuff with me.. u r the one who truly makes me see a difference, in loving someone and loving memories of someone.. its gd to be able to share ur deeper self with someone whom u know can guide u along in ur life.. and these are the ppl who'll stay forever.. and be with u forever.. even when the sky is gonna fall on me like it has, i know i will find these ppl by my side holding up the sky with me.. u were the one then.. but rite nw, i know i'll have my frens with me.. Thank you, to u, my love, and to all those who are with me.. Thank you..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 11:37 AM

::::::

Friday, October 06, 2006

You once told me, dat wad is mine is urs, and wads urs will still be urs.. and i dun mind.. my home was ur home.. and i wan u to come back home.. dats wad i've been feelin these days.. i wonder where u been.. i cant put ur picture away.. everywhere i go i see you.. i wan to move on.. but i cant.. my heart is pulling me back, telling me i cant let go.. i wan to wait, but isnt it stupid to be waiting for someone who so doesnt love you anymore? are we supposed to be able to give everything for the someone we really love? cos rite nw im feeling helpless.. ppl r telling me to let go, i told them im nt.. they're disappointed in me.. dat i'm no longer the person they used to know, the cheerful lionel who's always smiling and laffing away, able to share a joke with and can crack a joke practically from anything.. but they dint know that last time i had you, dats why i was happy.. rite nw i've lost the reason to be happy.. and there goes my smile and my humour.. cos i see nth to laugh abt anymore in my pathetic life here..

im sorrie i cant give u two my blessings.. who seriously can tell a person he loves straight in the eyes that he will be happy to see her make it happen with another guy? lets be frank here.. im nt happy and i cant be happy.. can we seriously brush our feelings aside, feelings we had for two yrs and more, all brushed to one side for someone we barely knew for two mths? maybe u'll use our past as an example.. but rite nw, i dun understand.. cos i cant.. i've apologised to yy.. i told her im sorrie dat i even told her i liked her.. cos at that time u were in my heart, yet i wan to move on, and i tot i could, that i did.. hw wrong i was.. do i really wan an answer from you? do i really wan to hear u say that, yes, u've stopped loving me for long? dat all ur feelings were gone? did u move on earlier than u said u did? that the 3 mths u waited were actually shorter than that? these 2 mths i've been blaming myself.. i let u wait for 3 mths.. but were u really there waiting sometime i asked? when someone waits, she dun develop feelings for others.. but yet u said u were interested in someone during that period of waiting.. so was that still waiting for you? i am waiting.. and i will be no matter wad i say, no matter wad u say, and no matter wad other ppl says.. i will be waiting.. and this time, i will show u wad is waiting.. cos no other person can replace the place u occupy in my heart.. and u'll nvr understand this..

know the song u wanted to send me? by rascal flatts? try listening to it thinkin u were me rite nw.. it fits exactly..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 8:13 AM

::::::

KILLERS LYRICS

Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

Cause I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...
I never...

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 7:52 AM

::::::

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Just go for it when u love someone.. dats all i have to say to myself and everyone out there.. dun be afraid to lose.. dun be afraid to love.. and dun be afraid to say.. i love you, and i said it too late, and now things will nvr be the same again.. im sad.. i'll forever be.. this is sth which u cant change.. neither can i.. when u told me u will still care whether i am happy or nt, do u know hw much i wish to tell u, 'then come back to me!'... i will then be happy.. sigh.. but i know i cant, cos it's super unfair to so many parties nw, u including.. and if u coming back to me makes me happy but nt u, den it'll be far worse than wad i am doing nw.. at least nw there's only one sad person to add to this world.. all the best to you.. i wish that u'll get wad u deserve, and u only deserve the very best, which i could nt live up to.. i love you.. forever and ever.. till the end of time..

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 10:11 PM

::::::

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself, when nobody else can help
Because you live girl, my world has twice as many stars in the sky.
Because you live, i live.

it was sometimes not too long ago,
when i was sitting in front of this comp,
nothing in my mind, nothing on the screen.
my fingers were cold, yet they aren't moving.

You were my inspiration in life,
and on that day i found no inspiration.
my mind was a blank, telling myself i cant do anything.
and then i heard this song, and ur picture surface in my head.

i start to type, and on this day i did.
i type wad my mind thought first,
cos they say whatever the mind thinks first,
is always the most true to its words.

There wont be any editting,
there wont be any cancellation.
there wont be any backspace,
there wont be any delete.
juz a plain old prose, reflecting hw i truly feel,
and i wont edit a single word i put in.

life is nt a vcd player.
we cant put our life on fast forward,
to see if this love will last till the end.
and we cant put it on reverse,
to try to change things that had happened.

I wished i had a magic wand,
to bring things back to four mths ago.
when we were sitting at the table,
and a tear flows from your eyes.
i shud have catch that tear,
i shud have said im sorry then.
i shud have said i love you,
i shud have said lets give it one more try.
but i do nt have a magic wand.

i wasnt sure abt my love at that time.
i tot i dint love you as much.
i tot it'll be fair for both of us to find ourselves.
only until now did i know i was wrong.
i've nvr loved someone so deep.
and i'll nvr love another one as much.
for in my heart there'll always be you.
you'll occupy the whole of it,
and im suffocating in ur love.

i let you go.
it was my choice.
im regretting it.
and im hating myself.
you gave me a chance.
i dint take it.
you waited for me.
i let you wait.

now that you're gone.
and im all alone.
im missing the days.
im hating the nights.
i cant hear a word at night,
for my mind is drowning out every of my senses.

if there's really fate in this world.
i hope our fate dint end here.
i do nt wan u to come back.
i juz wan a chance to show you,
hw much u truly mean to me.

i will give all my life to have one minute alone with you.
and in this last minute of my life i wont do anything else.
i will juz hold u in my arms, and kiss u on ur lips.
for one minute.
and i will gladly die in ur arms.
knowing that i've experienced true love.
and that love is you.

you've found someone there to be with you.
he might be the one we do not know.
shower him with as much love and concern as u once showered me with.
and i pray he will do likewise.
cos if u dun deserve it, no one else does.
i will give u my blessing..
i will congratulate him.
on finding the perfect someone,
in you.

great love comes with great risk i once read,
do nt be afraid to love again.
i love you.
and i always will.
you will one day walk down the aisle with The One,
and i will be there to cry tears of happiness for you.
love is nt able having,
its abt knowing the other one is happy.
my love couldnt make u happy,
and i hope someone else's will..

remember to smile.
it brightens my day.
and lit up my nights.
when i see ur mouth twitch upwards,
that will be priceless.
it will be the best gift u've ever given me,
that smile of yours,
and you truly being happy.

Bubu, i will love you forever.
i know i've done wrong.
nth can change the past.
and nth can change this love of mine.
until the day the coast lost itself to the sea,
and im lying in deep slp,
i will nvr love another as much,
as i love you.
and i'm glad that in this lifetime,
i finally know wad true love is.
though its no longer with me.
but knowing u're happy,
is akin to experiencing this true love.
Aku cinta Padamu.
hope u still remember this.

darkfossil high on VoDkA @ 2:55 PM

::::::